Live With No Regrets ♥

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♥ Live With No Regrets .

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ANGELA LAI
the happy girl who lives with no regrets.

She likes to busk in the limelight,
and enjoys capturing attention.
I do not live in the shadow of others
and i HATE to be forgotten.

I do what i say,
And, i say what i feel.

You think you know me?
Think TWICE before u judge.

Here, i do my constant ranting.
Here, i update my camwhoring photos.
Everything here are purely MY opinions,
and u don't have to agree with me.
If my narcissism scares u,
leave me alone.

Everything happened so suddenly..

First, im shock.
Then, the trauma.
After, the sadness.
Finally, im numb.

My sisters and me were happily making a birthday card for my mum..
note the time: 8plus at night.

We were still engrossed in designing the best card on earth for her..
Then, the phone rang..
My dad answered the call and told us:
"grandma stopped breathing."

S.H.O.C.K

..
..

and followed by another call,
its confirmed that she's dead.

T.R.A.U.M.A

..
..

we all stunned for a moment.
then we decided to rush over to her place.
my dad rode a bike over with my sis
and i brisk walked over with my other sis.
i swear i had never walked so fast in my entire lifetime for such a long distance.

the 2km walk seemed like 20km..
still hoping for some miracle,
maybe she'd wake up again when we reach..

when we got there,
we walked down that looong corridor to her house.

it seemed longer and scarier than usual.
i didnt know what to expect.
my heart thumped EXTREMELY fast.
(might be the fast walk)

and i opened the unlocked door and entered,
everyone looked normal.
the TV was on.

she was in her usual seat, her usual position.
but not moving. stiff. cold. dead.

i touched her hand, held it tight.
and i teared.

i teared for the fact that she is my family.
i teared for losing a warm grandmama figure.

although we are not very close,
but i vaguely have memories of my childhood with her..
and she is one nice lady, easy going and
she's not even 70.. T_T

S.A.D.N.E.S.S

..
..

how i regret not visiting her often enough.
...

when i was younger,
from the once a week basis

to

those secondary school days,
then the once a fortnight get-together

to

when i got older,
studies, fun, everything..
made me forget that mini family gathering.

..
..

..
..

the visits became less and less frequent.

the last time i visited her was AT LEAST a month back i think..
busy life, neglected family.

BUSY is not an excuse.
i know.

im sorry.
but sorry to whom, i dont know.. =\

..

now im feeling better..
the sadness is fading away..

N.U.M.B

i dont know.
i have alot of questions.

why is it that she have to go BEFORE chinese new yr?
i was looking forward to that reunion dinner. T_T

when was it that she got so sickly?
i couldn't remember.
i cant recall when she stopped going to shop n" save with us,
when she stopped visiting relatives on CNY,
when she got her leg amputated,
when she got diabetes, HBP, heart problem,
when she got to go for regular kidney dialysis..

maybe its better for her to leave peacefully?

i hope she's looking at us from heaven and blessing me..
^_^

this is a new year with NO happiness.
with NO joy in receiving red packets.
with NO house visiting.
with NO bright colourful clothes.

with NO reunion dinner!!!

i think thats the best part about the chinese new yr,
not the red packets, not the new clothes, not the visiting..

HAIIX.
and dont try to comfort me. (:
im fine.

Blogged By The Girl Who Is Easily Contented.

11:31 PM