constant rantings

2011-10-03T00:51:00.003+08:00

Seeing the world through the lens is different from seeing it with your eyes..

Its much more beautiful the way it is.

Photos can never be compared to the images imprinted in our memories.

2011-09-10T23:39:00.000+08:00

Learn to walk off when the situation calls for..

2011-08-20T23:00:00.000+08:00

We need to learn to treasure the things that we have,
instead of focusing on what we do not possess..

2011-07-31T14:36:00.000+08:00

Don't feel discouraged, move on.

2011-07-06T02:46:00.000+08:00

Some people are so FULL OF THEMSELVES that they are oblivious to how they ACTUALLY look.. -.-

2011-05-07T11:09:00.002+08:00

I am 20 this year and cannot vote. But I ask myself, what if I had to. Who will I cast my vote for? Undecided. My heart is with the opposition but half of my mind if not more is with the PAP.

I am having my exams next week in NTU and do not have much time for a detailed analysis with evidences as much as I'd love to. Here are some thing that affects me alot..

I support some opposition as some speak with passion and look like they have potential (Nicole seah) probably lacking a lil maturity and experience. For new candidates, we can only judge with track records (mostly academic or work wise). And there are other opposition candidates whom have proven to be able to speak up wisely as a alternative voice (sylvia lim) and a few lucky ones with the chance to prove themselves (chiam see tong and low thia kiang).

I also support WP for their practical and realistic proposals, perfect and strong alternative to the PAP who have grown so powerful and maybe sometimes of track. I also value the NSP for being the people's voice and looking at the small picture, leaving no citizens behind. Yes, their policies might be a lil unrealistic in the big picture but applaud them for the effort. I don't mind having some of such candidates in the parliament.

I am very disappointed by the lack of justice and fairness in PAP's actions in protecting their party's interest. They leave people with no choice. By creating an unfair advantage for themselves, they are forcing citizens to choose them or driving desperate citizens like some of the opposition supporters, to vote for change. The opposition parties they are voting for might not be good enough but people are desperate for something to happen. To broadcast that areas under opposition will get lesser priority, so tell me, why do we need voting secrecy? Might as well throw a bigger threat of saying people whom dont vote for them gets lesser privileges as a citizen? To me, it has the same effect.

Besides the moral problems, their extremely high pay is of a concern to me as well. Are they really attracting the right people that way? And can those money be put to greater use? Are they really acting on singaporeans' interest? I can't help but to wonder.

Correct me if I'm wrong but Im getting the feeling that the PAP are acting like controlling parents who claims to want the best for the children. And as such, autonomy is sometimes taken away, esp on important issues (election), they entice or threaten the child to direct him to make the decision they want. They might be right most of the time, but not all.. And the child will not be happy and might not understand the good will behind sometimes.. And children used to think they can't choose their parents so they suck it up and live with it, even to the extent of self-justifying their parents' actions. But today they have a chance to rebel.. Lets see what happens..

Think carefully and not let your heart rule your mind or the other way.. Make a wise decision without any cognitive dissonance. (;

2011-05-05T23:36:00.002+08:00

I believe in Newton's 3rd Law: For every force acting on an object, there will be an equal force acting in the opposite direction.

But still, one of it will be the ACTION force and the other, only the REACTION force.

We need to be able to identify which is the ACTION and which is the REACTION force..
Both might be equally strong and appealing to our heuristic way of judging, but which is the more rational and right force of action is something we have to ponder.

2011-05-01T17:36:00.001+08:00

Its interesting how human beings gets tricked even when we use algorithms.

2011-04-25T23:17:00.001+08:00

looks fantastic.
but.
i wonder if it is comfortable..

2011-04-16T14:54:00.003+08:00

Saya tidak ada masa lapang untuk blog. :(

malay presentations on monday.
4000 word report on wednesday.

DIEDIEDIE..

2011-04-08T23:37:00.005+08:00

Imagine 30 students packed at the canA bus stop, waiting..
179A comes by..
and everyone stares at it pass the bus stop slowly..
LOL!

:S

this then sets me off thinking..

What would people do when they see such a situation?

Most will help?
NO.

people-

STARE.
WAIT.
HOPE.
GONE.

people stare, wonder. analyse the situation.
then,
they wait and hope someone else will help.
everyone thinks another someone will step forward.
next,
it could be too late to do anything.

this is known as the bystander effect.

it refers to the phenomenon in which the greater the number of people present, the less likely people are to help a person in distress. When an emergency situation occurs, observers are more likely to take action if there are few or no other witnesses.

2011-04-07T10:04:00.000+08:00

i want to have this for breakfast.. :S

2011-04-06T22:21:00.002+08:00

Notice its the same kind of can..
..
its how we make them different.

just like, there're so many pretty girls out there,
but each is different in its own way, be confident.

and like, there're countless students in the singapore,
but we all set different standards for ourselves and put in diff amount of efforts.

we just have to differentiate ourselves.
make the effort, know who u are and what u can be.

2011-03-31T23:07:00.002+08:00

Aint this bittersweet?

Looks good and heart warming on first sight.
Lovely people, locked arm to arm..
smiling and hugging, dependent on each other for support.

On second thought,
they have no choice, they're STUCK..

moral of story:
Think twice before you reach a conclusion. :)

2011-03-30T14:30:00.000+08:00

One of my random thoughts:

In the midst of a proj group meeting, I went into an empty toilet with a cleaner’s cart there. There is no sight of the cleaner. This thought ran through my head:

“maybe there is a toilet bowl monster in here that ate the toilet auntie up.. Omg. I’m having weird thoughts again. Haha. But then again if there is a toilet monster, I’d be in a precarious situation!”

and at the point of time, the toilet bowl flushed on it’s own twice.. :S

2011-03-29T12:10:00.001+08:00

Im back to blogging. :D

2010-12-25T23:00:00.000+08:00

what did you wish for xmas this year?

..

2010-11-28T00:48:00.001+08:00

No time, no energy to blog.

BEST 21st party i've been to today.

HAPPIEST and heart warming..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOPHIE! :D:D:D

2010-11-05T15:05:00.000+08:00

lost the motivation and inspiration to blog.

2010-10-05T23:53:00.001+08:00

<3 <3 <3

2010-10-01T23:58:00.000+08:00

Friends are people around us,
closest to us after our immediate family.

they are those who are always there for us,
knows us best, understands us and loves us forever.

some tend to be closer to their jc/poly peers,
others have better r/s with their uni friends,
few more attached to their primary school mates,

however,
most tend to be closer to their secondary school friends.

WHY?

cus we spent the most crucial part of our development tgt..
we watched each other grow and accepted each other as who we were..

missed ya all!
meet up soon AGAIN please! ^^

never to take them for granted,
effort is needed to sustain any r/s.

here are the other people who've left footprints in my heart. ^^
(some i cannot find photos for)

P.S: if u see ur photo below, please meetup soon, you are wanted. XD

MONGYING bestie and felicia~
go overseas tgt again!! ^^

trackgirls!
the best part of my jc days.

miss you girls.. ^^
one of the best few model girlfriends i've made.

Shawn, my ex.
someone different.

my course buddies!
Hw111 devil wears prada brought us tgt.
(:

X-Physique 2010 LOVE!
family more than committee~

the PRINCESSES of 19th management comm,
(prince not in the picture) HAHA.

Others without photo:

Alex, Alan, Weiliang (1st 3months buddies)

SKY-beloved korkor

the dearest of them all. ^^
and happy 4th month -010610. ((:

2010-09-30T23:18:00.000+08:00

sick and dying~

glad to know that u care. ^^

2010-09-27T23:58:00.000+08:00

stay objective.

and rational.

2010-09-22T22:55:00.000+08:00

I MISS CELEBRATING MID AUTUMN!

i miss carrying those lanterns, walking around with my family..

i miss those celebrations, held in school or by community centres..

i miss choosing a lantern from the wide variety of them all.

smart businessmen.

thanks to them, today we have more and more designs of lanterns,
each year with more innovative designs than the previous year.

and,
not forgetting the increasing number of mooncake flavours in the market.

FESTIVALS.
chance for us to spend and them to create.

2010-09-20T00:53:00.000+08:00

Some cute pictures i found on tumblr regarding LOVE..

...
..

..
...

2010-09-19T00:22:00.005+08:00

About a month ago, i rmb reading about something interesting on XX's blog.
Yes, i know she rants alot and is quite bitchy in her blogposts.
BUT i had always admired her blogging style and interesting insights on matters.

Haha. It is this post, dated on 16 Aug 2010.
http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/2010/08/jimble-jumble-of-thoughts.html

and i agree with her graph completely..

I pondered over the accuracy of the graph.
And i find myself recollecting instances of such situations..

people commenting on how ugly a vain girl is,
yet so generous with compliments to average, humble girls.

not to say i identify myself with xx,
but we gotta admit her observations are so goddamn spot on,
be it u're the one being criticized or the one praising others.

true, some people might be just more extreme in their judgements
and others who are really ugly can never be labeled pretty even if they are humble.

but my point is,
70% of the time, her hypothesis is true.

I'd also want to bring her graph further,
to discussing about other traits out of beauty,
it can be capability, intelligence, sociability etc..

My personal description of this trend would be..
..

imagine, u are a 7/10 person.
but if u're humble (i'd prefer to call it feeling inferior),
and only give yourself a 5/10.

then, people will come in and say
"no no, u're a 8/10!"

but if u're self-confident and expressive in ur own ability (some see it as arrogance),
and give yourself a fair 8/10,
HAH.

people then will think otherwise,
( cus unless u are a 9, if not 8 is too high for a "just above average" )
and more often than not, u'd be rated a 6/10, for being fairly better than average.

this hypothesis had amazed me for 1month
and i cannot seem to find a proper explanation for this intriguing observation.

friday, after HP329 -Psychology in Asian Context lessons,
it struck me!

..
.
..

Its the result of our CULTURE.

the asian culture.
we are brought up in an environment where humility is greatly appreciated.
-Chinese esp, we were taught to be humble and all.

here in asia,
people are less individualistic and more confined to our social roles.
we find it harder to accept someone different and loud, eg. XX.
those people draw haters.

Culture and the society plays an important role in shaping our personalities, responses as well as how we behave.

2010-09-18T23:54:00.001+08:00

yes,
i can and i will.

-always here for u. (:

2010-09-15T22:54:00.000+08:00

handed over to the 20th comm.
heavy responsibility down.

..

2010-09-07T11:19:00.000+08:00

where ever u go,

2010-09-07T01:21:00.004+08:00

It is by motivation that sets my heart in motion.
It is by determination the mind acquire the strength, the hands acquire the shaking to complete the "to do".

I visualized the good results, after hardwork.
I indulged in the dreamlike freedom, all that i can have.
I imagined the release, from a massive responsibilty.

I cant turn all these into ash, all is as good as fixed.

TOO LATE..
Sorry, i cant change my mind already.

When i set my mind in doing something right, i make sure i get it done or i die trying.

2010-09-02T01:19:00.000+08:00

all human beings judge,
we form first impressions of people we meet.

but my golden rule is,
to not condemn.

judgements are formed from:

Appearance,
physical looks.
presentable or not, sloppy or neat,
good looking or not..
all help in forming an impression.

-some factors within our control, some not.

Actions,
clumsy, stupid, creative, mean, careful.. ... ....
countless descriptions we have.
people judge based on what they see u do,
what they infer from those actions.
accurate or not, we sometimes forget to ask ourselves..

-anomalies are not accounted for.

AND, PEOPLE CHANGE.

2010-09-01T23:43:00.000+08:00

there's a second part to the quote:

fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.

2010-08-26T22:27:00.003+08:00

learn from your mistakes..
do better, even if it means to fail again.

2010-08-24T23:39:00.000+08:00

When what u want contradicts with what u should do, HOW?

You want to run towards something,
but there is something pulling you back.

Sometimes it feels like a chained dog reaching out for that dogbone -far away.

ok, that might not be the best analogy.

WHAT IF?
it is not a matter of no choice?
you are not restrained physically..

and you have to make a decision - an important one.

Everything that we do have repercussions.

it is an important but difficult choice.
then?

how do we know what is the right decision?

what constitute a right decision?
it means the choice that everyone deem fit?

how about the best choice?
no one knows! the grass is always greener on the other side..

Well..
for me,

I make decisions after a pro and con weighing process,
and a review of my commitments, obligations and responsibilities.

sometimes it doesn't have to be "RIGHT" in public's eyes.
as long as you're happy and can live with it.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, NOT REGRET IT!
even if its wrong, LIVEWITHIT!

live with no regrets~

cus sometimes, NO ONE, not even god,
can tell you whats the best route at a junction.
you have to walk it to find out,

it depends on various factors and,
i believe, mainly, how u deal with it.

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.

my advice: make one and stick to it. (:

2010-08-23T12:48:00.002+08:00

I LOVE MY FAMILY.

I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich.

However, as per any other relationships,

there are some essentials to it.

1. communications

2. quality time

3. understanding

doing my best to get things right. (:

2010-08-22T00:25:00.002+08:00

Im a girl who believes in fate.

Accept fate, and move on.
Don't yield to the seductive pull of self-pity.

2010-08-13T02:40:00.000+08:00

sweet.

2010-08-09T23:15:00.001+08:00

the end of sports camp indicates a new start of a long lasting friendship.

2010-07-28T00:48:00.001+08:00

..
a continuation of the previous post..

CHILDREN.

the happiest people on earth i'd say.
being ego-centric, they are at the top of their world.

nothing bad about being a kid.

..

they are one of the most creative artists around i'd say.
they can paint clouds colourful, draw bears with tails and illustrate the cutest alien.

..

they are the most innocent and pure souls you can possibly find on earth.
they live their life simple, driven by basic needs..

and they BELIEVE, in miracles, in people, in situations, in everything.

..

they are not afraid to cry,
they need not hide their tears.

they are not worried about an image to uphold or a strong front to maintain.

...

they quarrel, they fight.
but at least, they don't back stab.

..

however, things change as we grow up..

we lose the courage to fight, due to various situational factors.

...

and,
as we grow up, we stop getting motivated by the same source -happiness.

2010-07-27T23:05:00.002+08:00

Today was my first day with a new tuition kid..
Primary TWO girl.. o.O

She reminded me of myself when i was young..
It brought me back to how intelligent and curious i was back then.
For course, looking back, the fabulous results never seem to recur..

This girl,
she had private tuition since primary one.

This girl,
she picks up new topics very fast and is really smart.

This girl,
she is so curious about everything.

This girl,
she has the drive and motivation to work hard and score.

This girl,
she is the cream of the crop, being top few in her class.

..

Where had that girl gone?

:((

My grades had been deteriorating ever since p1..

The motivation to work so hard to fight for the 1st in class.
The almost perfection results, 99 97 96.
WHERE?

As we age, we lose the fighting spirit.
we lose our passion to learn and discover.
we are not as fearless as before.

sometimes i wish i can be young once more..

2010-07-25T22:57:00.003+08:00

Had a great day by the beach at Sentosa today,
for the finals of the SCHICK CHICK BEACH BABE contest.

It was really tiring as we started rehearsing some COMPLICATED cheoros,
since 9am till 1am, under the scorching HOT sun, shining at our faces.

We rushed through the different and loong routines..
sundress segment,
sporty outfit,
bikini round,
and the finale..

Then, we had our makeup and hair done before the entire event started at about 3pm..

The make up totally melted on our faces through the event
and we looked like we just came up from the sea, with wet smelly hair..

I screwed up the first two sections. T_T

Anw, the winners are..

...
.
...

2nd runners' up: faith

1st runners' up: daphne

and winner: Sophia! (:
Great exposure for me, the girls were ALL fantastic.
pretty, confident and experienced.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Confidence.

is not something you can acquire just like that.
you gotta believe in yourself.

It is the pretty face/ hot bod that gets you into the finals,
but how you shine on stage that sets you apart from the rest.

One thing i've taken away is how to be more confident.
LOVE everything about yourself.
you must believe in yourself before others would.

age doesnt matter, looks/body are not the upmost priority.
it is how much u think you look good. (:

From last year's Siloso hot bod, (my first pageant)
i had always joined these beauty contests,
countless tries i am not afraid to mention.
garnier, grid girls, new paper new face etc..

i always had this mentality that others are better,
that girl is more eloquent than me,
the other is prettier ... ... ...
and i had never entered a contest truly confident and putting in my best to win.

i WAS afraid of failure, i dont like disappointment.

but today,
despite being disheartened at the start by the beauty of the other 9,
i was convinced by my loved ones that i stand a chance.

i went through the day happy, tried my best and confident.
i didnt win anything, but still, i feel damn happy.. ^^

I discovered and overcame a mental barrier i have about myself.
im glad to say i am a much more confident person now. ((:

Quotes by Kurt Hahn (OBS founder):

Without self-discovery, a person may still have self confidence, but it is a self confidence built on ignorance and it melts in the face of heavy burdens. Self discovery is the end product of a great challenge mastered, when the mind commands the body to do the seemingly impossible, when courage and strength are summoned to extraordinary limits for the sake of something outside the self--a principle, an onerous task, another human life.

There is more to us than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps for the rest of our lives we will be unwilling to settle for less.

2010-07-18T23:36:00.003+08:00

...

POPULATION: ME

Im feeling damn loser now..

had shooting and fitting today..
and
i left my wallet with the event coordinator..

ROAR.

and my phone died on me at about like 1pm..
please kill me.

..
.
.

..
.

so, i was without wallet and phone the entire day.

and i havent gotten my wallet backk.. T_T

2010-07-15T23:49:00.003+08:00

CRIME TO BE FAT?

why do fat people always get condemned?
why they are those who get bullied and laughed at?
why people gotta comment on those extra bit of bulging meat?

...
.
...

when you're a baby, they call it cute.

...
.
...

when u are a kid, they call you fat, ugly, whatever.

...
.
...

and when you're older, they call it disgusting.

this blogpost was triggered by an overweight girl i saw while working yesterday.

she was on the platform, with a pole,
sexily trembling her massive ass and boobs, dancing.
she was dressed in a translucent black blouse and a denim skirt with boots.

it was an attempt to draw attention and act sassy.
the former succeeded almost immediately and the latter i dont know.

true, i was taken aback by the sight of it.
but i kept my comments to myself.

then i heard really nasty remarks, from the customers, promoters and waiters.
"i thought i entered jurustic park.."
"earthquake"
and many many more..

what's worse was that one of the performing crew,
a dancer took out her phone and videoed the unknowing lady.

i dont understand how some people can be utterly cruel with their words/actions.

fat girls cant be sexy?
says who.
i thought she danced reasonably well..
and, please, she deserve to be applauded for her bravery. :S

appearance is not a matter of choice.
who doesnt want to be beautiful?

singaporeans gotta learn to appreciate different forms of beauty.
confidence is hot.

not only girls who look like eurasians are hot,
you dont need big watery eyes, sharp nose, sexy lips or perfect figure.

we have the standard pretty face,

the plus size beauties,

the oriental beauties,

the cute kawaii kind,

many many moreee.. :D

think twice before u comment and stop being so shallow.. XD

2010-07-13T23:59:00.000+08:00

busy few days,
working in NTU for some NIE event..

giving out convocation gifts and alumni card,
i wonder how it feels like to be in their shoes.

im only 3years away,
and what i asked myself,
what have i achieved?

..
....
......
.

nothing but a straight set of B+ with a B- for my first sem.
and yet, B+ was a passing cloud..

the second sem flew by with a B, B-, C+ and a C..

am i supposed to slap myself or what.
my GPA of 4 and my second upper class honors are now further out of range.

.

enriching uni life was what i wished for,
not at the expense of my studies though.

i have so much more on my to-do list. (:

2010-07-10T01:00:00.002+08:00

LOVE.
SUN.
PEACE.
CLOUD.

those were what i had in REDANG.

i miss the beachhh..
will blog again about my trip soon,
when all the photos come in. (:

2010-07-01T03:09:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 1st MONTH ANNIVERSARY!

2010-06-29T00:19:00.001+08:00

great day slacking at home. (:

2010-06-28T11:47:00.004+08:00

its easy to ask "are you ok?"
and the shortest answer is "im ok."

it saves you all the trouble of explaining.

there is a difference between a group of people and a group of friends.

a group of people tend to be more cruel and insensitive,
as they ride on each other for entertainment value.

a group of friends know where the line is and will be more sensitive,
they bastard each other and have enough fun and stop.

it is sad to see that you have to feed on anothers' uniqueness
and make out some entertainment for a topic of conversation.

...

i wish i was braver.
i wish i can stand up for myself.

i always try my best to understand others.
why cant some do the same?

i understand that sometimes its all in the name of fun, with no ill intentions.
but why is it so hard to understand whatever it is,
you still have to draw a line.

i know its my fault for not being assertive enough to draw the line.
tell me what i can do for you insensitive peeps to see it.
"fuck you"
walk off
cry
violence

i hate myself for being so weak.
my only way of releasing my emotions is crying.

i dont speak up for myself or give tight slaps
not because im ok with all the jokes,
because i know i can only speak with tears flowing down.

tears not of sadness or victimization,
but tears of anger.

you dont want to see me lose my cool.

2010-06-25T02:26:00.001+08:00

out for camp.. (:

2010-06-20T22:11:00.004+08:00

HAPPY FATHERS' DAY!

i woke up at 7plus to make breakfast with love for my daddy! :D
french toast and fresh milk!

disclaimer: picture taken online, not what i made. :P

the card we made for my father!~

then,

we had a great day out tgt..

waiting for sis to buy her skinnies.. XD

HAPPY DAY

2010-06-15T23:24:00.003+08:00

had a busy week..
pc show.

shagged.

lots of things happened on sunday. T_T
morning -phone spilt, screen blacked out..
afternoon -lost my phone at event briefing
night -lost my POSB card.. =S

monday had a nokia event.
and found my spoilt phone!
the emcee announced for the found black phone with hello kitty keychain.
but i forgot about that kitty that i only hung on for 2days.. >.<
luckily before i left, the person in charge gave it back to meee. :DD

LOSER me..
T_T

ROAR..
well,

2010-06-07T02:07:00.001+08:00

Some weirdo impersonating me on facebook..

http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=100001034237452&ref=mf

2010-06-05T23:14:00.001+08:00

Bintan was funn~

Set off on Monday afternoon.. :D
And,
I didnt know that Bintan is so near Singapore.
The ferry trip there is only 55min!

It was a villa that we're staying in! :D
Nice spacious living room, with 1 master bedroom, 3 others.

With our own pool!
(not to add, we didnt get to swim cus the water was dirty.. )
T_T

even had our own buggy to drive around.. :D

explored the place on the first day and headed out for dinner!
at some kelong, for SEAFOOOOD!

went for an hour long full body massage after fooood. :D
my first experience, rate to be average. (:

and back homee for gamess..
love monopoly deal, and some cool puzzle game. XD

....
..
....

Day two was beach and water sports!

snorklingg was not exactly that good..
first experience.

not much fishes..
corals nt v nice also..
XD

at night was great,
stars nice and bright and alottt alooott.
(:

and i got myself a boyfriend tt night.
:D

thanks to his friends for making his plan possible. (:

2010-06-02T23:57:00.000+08:00

There are countless stars in the sky,
but only ONE moon.

There is one moon in the sky,
but it is not always there and not ever full.

There are a million and one stars out there,
some brighter than the others,
some higher above the sky.

Yet i have a particular unexplained liking for one special star,
might not be the brightest or the highest, it just attracts me somewhat.

2010-05-30T11:57:00.001+08:00

A lady is at her most beautiful on her wedding day.
The wedding gown is the nicest dress anyone can dream of wearing.
That bouquet of flowers completes the picture of the newly wed.

LOVE.
doesn't come naturally because you two are an item.

it is a special form of connection, paired with a certain level of commitment and alot alot of tolerance, acceptance and effort.

there is stage one,
infatuation.

when factors driving it are physical attraction, proximity and similarity.
this brings two people together, to be good friends.

then, there is stage two.
-likeee-
when you realize the person can feed some of your needs/wants.
this matches two individuals, to become a couple.
HONEYMOOON PERIOODDDD!

after will be stage three,
exploration.

when you give yourself time to accept those flaws before deciding which you cannot tolerate
and then give each other chances to become who you hope they can be.
i call this the problem solving stage.

only with stage three completed,
you can go on to stage four [L.O.V.E]
and happily ever after..
(with the risk of going back to stage three at any point of time)

Congrats Wai Loon and Christine for your blissful union.
Thank you for making me your honored emcee of the night.

as i was at the wedding dinner tonight,
many things came to me.

i've already reached stage four.
but what happened?
there is love, this im damn sure of.

i was so close,
i could almost picture myself in the bride's shoe.
i thought he was the one..

although its all over,
i dont know how to move on..

how do i convince myself that my fairytale has another ending?
how can i get that blissful picture out of my head?
how will i know when the right one will come by again, after one had failed?

was it a mistake?

SWEET SWEET FRIENDS.
possible? not.

2010-05-25T14:05:00.002+08:00

have not been blogging much,
cus i dont know what/how to say.. :S

ROAR.
totally describes how i feel.

complicated.

..

2010-05-19T16:10:00.002+08:00

WILL you love me alot alot alot?

all i want is someone who will really really love me.

i need someone to dote on me, pamper me and treat me niceniceeee~

2010-05-17T18:23:00.001+08:00

X-PHYSIQUE 2010 had been a blast! :D

2010-05-12T06:14:00.003+08:00

pink VS brown mismatch!
I WANT A BROWN DOMO.

True.
Totally describes it.

u can make someone to stay out of your mind.
BUT, u cant force him out of your heart.

u can occupy yourself to distract your mind from the issue.
BUT, u cant busy our heart to stop tt conflicting feeling.

u can look for a new one.
BUT, u cant forget the old.

HOW??

AND THIS IS SO NOT POSSIBLE.
just friends?
i think i cant.. )):

even when i am so too busy to breathe even,
i still have time to be bothered about such stupid issues.
and i can blog about them.. :S

ROAR.

just kill me.
haha.

2010-05-09T23:33:00.000+08:00

too many things, too little time.

2010-05-08T23:52:00.000+08:00

THE SIMPLEST THINGS MAKE PEOPLE THE HAPPIEST.

why make things complicated,
when the process causes conflicts and unhappiness?

a simple act could have made a person smile.
but your complicated ideas made two other unhappy.

HAPPINESS could have been as easy as
a lollipop for a kid.

when two lollipop can make two kid happy,
why try to buy 3 lollipops for them and let them fight?

..

do not complicate matters unless u have a concrete plan to work it out.

and dont assume before u ask,
you do not understand anything.

i dread going back.

2010-05-06T23:59:00.003+08:00

BUT NOT EVERYONE IS.

one thing i've learnt, finally.
at the age of NINETEEN.

the world is ugly.
not as nice as i perceived it to be..

people are not as nice, guys are jerks.
but i dont accept this, i dont really wanna believe this.

disappointed
lost hope..

2010-05-04T15:44:00.004+08:00

why can YOU not be simpler?
i hate it when i dont know whats happening..

everyone likes it true.
dont pretend to be who u are not.

because people will then have expectations of your FAKE self.
and then, it'd lead on to more and more lies..

the vicious cycle will then continue and you will not be able to get out of it.
one lie to another and another and another..
to fake and fake and fake till u get tired of being someone you're not.

YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
destroyed the nicely painted picture..

IM NOT UPSET THAT YOU LIED TO ME, IM UPSET THAT I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE.

2010-05-03T02:52:00.003+08:00

WHAT IF THE WRONG ONE LOVES YOU RIGHT?

..

too bad.

GET THE RIGHT ONE TO LOVE YOU BEST.

:D

i never believed in happily ever after,
everything has an ending.

but i believe in a happy ending,
i want to find mine.

i've always believed that..

(:

You could be surprised.

..

Hate love? NOT!

I LOVE LOVE!

HATE & LOVE
can/should never be placed side by side.

2010-04-30T13:00:00.000+08:00

Im dying.

sick on the day of my last paper.

i hate running noseee...
not when u have a bad sore throat accompanying it.

i cant breathe!
my nose is dropping and my throat hurts.
ROAR.

last paper in 1hour's time,
to be over in 3hours' time!

I NEED A MIRACLE CURE FOR MY RUNNING NOSE!

2010-04-29T20:22:00.002+08:00

NTU STUDENTS WHO STAY HALL!

you should feel relieved upon seeing this!
HAHAHA!

found it on some online job portal. XD

be it smelly tiongs who dont bathe,
or stinking fresh body odor,

AT LEAST they bother washing.. :P

2010-04-29T16:18:00.001+08:00

I AM HUNGRY, AGAIN.

I CANT FEED THIS INSATIABLE APPETITE, NO.

SLEEP DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE.
SCRATCHES ALREADY BAD ENOUGH AS IT IS.
RUNNING CANT HELP ME ESCAPE.
EATING EATING EATING KEEPS ME OCCUPIED.

I KNOW THE HUNGER IS IMAGINARY,
I CANT HELP IT.
I JUST WANT TO EAT, ANYTHING, NOT JUST SWEETS.
I WANT TO MUNCH AND MUNCH AND MUNCH.
THE LARGER THE VARIETY OF FOOD THE BETTER.

SOME PART OF ME FEELS UNWELL.
MY HEART, MY BRAIN, MY BODY, MY SOUL.
I WANT TO FUCKING ESCAPE AND DISAPPEAR.
BUT I CANT.

GIVE ME TIME TO MANAGE MY OWN EMOTIONS.
MEANWHILE I WILL PRETEND ALL IS FINE.
LET ME PRETEND IM OK.
GIVE ME THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT SO THAT I CAN LIE TO MYSELF TOO,
THAT I AM FINE. I AM FINE. SAY I AM FINE. FINE FINE FINE!

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WANT.
I JUST NEED MY FRIENDS.

2010-04-29T00:06:00.001+08:00

Change the below message to the total opposite, it describes how i feel right now.

___'ve seen ___ cry
way too many times
when _ deserve to be ____

i could do with a gun right now.

2010-04-28T14:26:00.001+08:00

This will be like my mood in the next 3days.
)): study hard for today.. ^^

FREEDOM ON FRIDAY! :D:D:D

2010-04-26T18:33:00.001+08:00

Appreciate what you have,
even after the beauty fades.

2010-04-25T21:57:00.000+08:00

FIGHT THE ZZZ MONSTER!

MUGGING HARDDD!

2010-04-25T17:34:00.002+08:00

THE PENCIL AND ERASER STORY.

Pencil: You know what? I'm really sorry.
Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong. (:
Pencil: I'm sorry cause you get hurt because of me. Every time i make a mistake, you are always here to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller every time.
Eraser: That's true, but i do not mind a single bit. You see, i was created to do this. I was made to help you every time you do something wrong. Even though i know one of these days i will be gone and you would have to replace me with a new one.
Pencil: But..
Eraser: Shh. I'm actually happy doing my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad.

2010-04-24T16:14:00.003+08:00

MUGGING SUCKS.

I just left my cave to refill my water,
so boringggg.. T_T

Dont lock yourself up.

you always have a choice.
but be careful what you let in.

2010-04-23T15:08:00.004+08:00

What is SUCCESS?

Straight As, graduating with a 5.0 first class honours?
Straight B+, 4.0 second upper?

Or is it,
the learning experience you yield from co-curricular activities?
the medals or trophies you win from inter-varsity or national competitions?

Can it be,
how well-developed you are as an individual, intellectually and morally?
how self-aware and self-conscious you are that helps you to improve yourself constantly?

-
What measures success?
paper qualifications? wealth? acheivements? emotional well-being?

Different people have different expectations of themselves,
and they define success very differently.

..
..
..

So, how do you become successful?

someone please enlighten me.
LOL.

LET ME GET MY STRAIGHT Bs!

2010-04-22T16:38:00.001+08:00

ONE PAPER DOWN!

:D

2010-04-21T11:07:00.000+08:00

EXAMS STARTS TOMORROW!

(:
a note to all:

2010-04-20T02:06:00.005+08:00

u cant chase a plane back,
u can only board another one.

And,
u cant make a shooting star go by again..

You can only wait and hope,
hoping it'd come by again another time.
.
no one knows what are the chances.

2010-04-18T13:10:00.005+08:00

why did i even try to make you give up..
what made me even think you would give up..

it is the past that is holding me back and yet that is keeping me away.

Set me free.

2010-04-17T19:21:00.004+08:00

leave what u cannot fix to another day..

2010-04-14T03:45:00.000+08:00

current status:
relationship, complicated.
studies, CMI.

D.I.E

I'm going to MIA till the end of exams,
to escape from alot of issues.

this can help me focus better too.

.

dont bother trying to contact me.

-deactivated my facebook.
FUCK facebook. gave me nothing but headaches while others get entertainment.
-am going to "LOSE" my phone.
FUCK communications. hate lengthy annoying calls at night when i should be slping.
-will not sign in MSN.
FUCK chatting. nothing but a source of distraction.
-not gonna blog either.
FUCK that. i just wanna disappear for awhile.

will be back when i feel like it.

however, will still be contactable for projects and sports club stuffs.
((:

2010-04-12T12:10:00.001+08:00

loong loong hair no more!

i chopped 15cm off. XD
now it lands nicely just below my collar bone.

:D

my head feels so much lighter now.
LOL.

2010-04-11T14:21:00.003+08:00

time to move on.

time to let go.

2010-04-05T11:38:00.000+08:00

so, dont look.
:D

P.S: I WANT A GOOOD FULL BODY MASSAGE! T_T

2010-04-04T00:08:00.003+08:00

suddenly,
i miss the feeling of your lips against mine.
i miss hugging your fat blubber.
i miss you whispering "i love you" into my ear.
i miss how you stroke my head.
i miss the way you compliment me as tho im perfect.

...
..
...

what do i want?

i begin to question my theory of:
you can like as many guys but you can only love one.

"only" is not a word of obligations,
it is that you cant love anyone else. -oneheartisonlyenoughforone.

but, what draws the line between like and love? :S

i THINK i still love you.
i THINK i only like you.
i THINK i am confused.

LOL.

..
.
..

sometimes,
your brain tells you something,
your heart wants otherwise,
your body falls into a trap.

the brain always goes for the logical, practical, realistic.
the heart acts on impluse, feelings and wants the ideal, romantic stuff.
the body react to the surroundings, people and follows the flow.

people say the brain is alw right, the heart second and the body lust.

2010-04-03T09:56:00.007+08:00

FUCK THE CRUDENESS!

roar.
please, learn to respect.

too much.
know when to stop.

sometimes its not whether u mean it or not,
it is where and when and in the presence of who u joke.
you dont throw dirty jokes about a girl, when you know she can hear u.

its damn annoying when
u dont understand and u get ??? in your head,
and u understand but pretend not to, act blur to get out of the awkward situation.

.

just needed to rant,
no issues or grudges. ((:

2010-04-02T22:03:00.000+08:00

I LOST MY COOL PHONE AGAIN.
AGAIN.

uncontactable.

2010-04-01T21:06:00.007+08:00

There's no guarantee to a success formula. (:

if u want something,
GO ALL OUT TO GET IT.

if u love someone,
NEVER LET HER GO.

even if u are losing the race,

COMPLETE IT.

2010-03-31T03:55:00.003+08:00

but,
just because you can understand the other language of love, know that he gave you his everything doesnt mean you have to accept it and forget your own native love language.

if,
he tells u a million and one times i love u in a language u dont understand, u can only tell that he is trying his best to bring the message across, but it is clearly not effective.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

at diff points of your life,
your heart tells you it wants diff things.

at the end of the day,
i follow where my heart leads me to.
^^

love is unconditional and yes, you can give it all, an abundance amount. ((:

2010-03-29T20:43:00.002+08:00

The busy period is back again.. T_T

Weekends all burnt.
When can i get some good rest..?

i dont know what i want.

2010-03-25T06:25:00.002+08:00

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said,

but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

IM SORRY IM SUCH AN IDIOT.

2010-03-24T22:38:00.003+08:00

Why bother trying?

I'd rather contain that someone you love in a box, lock it and hide it in a corner of my heart. (:

2010-03-24T00:53:00.004+08:00

Happy Ending.

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love[repeat]

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2010-03-23T13:04:00.004+08:00

I think my previous post is damn random.
i miss my specs, left it at home.. now in hall.. T_T

ROAR.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you can close your eyes to whatever you do not want to see.

you can cover your ears to anything you do not wish to hear.

BUT.
you cant shut your heart to not feel for all that you do not like to feel.

2010-03-23T03:16:00.002+08:00

I never realised how much security my specs was giving me.
I forgot the importance of my specs.

Till one night,
i wanted to go jogging in the track,
but i didnt bring my lens back to hall.

I bravely decided to attempt running without any visual aid,
no specs and no lens.

My degree is 600plus on each eye and 200 astig.
You guess what happened.

All blurred vision.
and i totally mean it when i say blur,
the world couldnt look more threatening then before.

I opened my door,
i couldnt even see the end of the stretch of walkway.

I walked down the stairs,
i feel like im floating.

I mistake shoes for cats,
i run away from leaves thinking they are insects,
i dont know what to expect,
everything just seem so dangerous.

I cannot see the faces of people who are walking pass me.

I felt like an idiot.
It takes ALOT of courage to take a step,
i almost threw out ALL my guts attempting to jog.

In the end,
i was barely 200m away from my hall before i decided to go back up.

This was my vision then.

It was that bad.

I remembered the last time i took off my specs,
was to admire the lightings in town.

I love to take of my specs once in a while to see what i cant with them on,
to admire the stars and lights around.
Plus, i dont look good with specs.

.
what if i decide not to wear it back and live with the insecurities?
or i just put aside my specs since i look better with lens?

P.S: i THINK my degree increased. i THINK i need NEW specs.
(:

2010-03-21T13:47:00.001+08:00

Ever wondered what'd be shown if your heart is made into a CD?

2010-03-20T02:04:00.000+08:00

Can you differentiate a need from a want?

My definitions:
A need is something that you might not realize. You might even take it for granted. It is something you cannot live without, be it you think so or not. It is required for certain basic regulations of a system, in different context - can be a friendship, relationship, family or school.

A want is something that you desire, something that you consciously pursue. You might think that you cannot live without it, but in reality, you can. It is secondary to a need, though more often than not, we tend to put it in our foremost priority. It is something EVIL, it can be a source of motivation or lead you to make the worst choices ever - to give up a need for a want.

You may need something that you do not want at all.
And,
you always want something that you do not need.

So,tell me.
What do I want and what is it that i need?

.
.
.

i dont know.

i follow my heart.
i believe there is no wrong choices,
there are only foolish attempts to look back, then regret.

you never know until you walk till the end.

2010-03-19T23:44:00.000+08:00

Maybe thats why im such a sleepyhead recently.

2010-03-17T10:30:00.001+08:00

I'VE LOST AND FOUND MY PHONE AGAIN...

BUT!
not so lucky..

this time i dropped it on the ROAD.
and it is severe severely disfigured. T_T

shall upload pictures of it on my next entry.
im so damn damn freaking sad..
:(:(:(

2010-03-14T18:48:00.002+08:00

..

WHY NOW?

2010-03-13T22:56:00.003+08:00

ROAR.

i am not going to update my facebook status anymore.

i am going to keep my distance when i feel uncomfortable.
i am going to say ok to every single kaypoh soul out there.

i am ok.
OK.
O-K.
OKAY!

to clarify doubts.
I DID NOT BREAKUP.